I voted today. I’ve voted in every presidential election and most mid-term elections since I turned 18. But for some reason today was different. It seemed normal at first. I walked into the school, there was no line, I was on the list, they gave me my pass, and I walked toward the booths. But as I was walking toward the booth I started to feel strange, almost nervous but I had nothing to be nervous about. I stepped into the booth, and I looked down at the electronic screen and the feeling intensified, I was almost shaking and I had this sudden urge to laugh out loud, and I realized I was experiencing the heady feeling of knowing that I was about to be a part of history. It was an amazing feeling.
I paused before pressing the button for Barak Obama so that I could savor the experience. Not just of casting a vote for the first black man ever to run for (and hopefully win) political office, but just the experience of voting in general. Its an amazing right, and its an incredible priviledge to have the power to make a difference.
But the nature of this election intensifies the election. This is the first presidential election where I’ve lived in Virginia, and so I’m REALLY aware of how much of a difference my vote makes. But I also think this was the first time where I really felt passionate about the choice, and about the outcome.
I was excited to vote for Clinton, but I wasn’t passionate about him. Part of the reason was that I was young, I had grown up in the 80’s and didn’t really know badly the wrong president could screw up a country. I didn’t know that my life could actually be impacted in a daily way by the choices of our president. I didn’t really and truly understand that until the last four years. I voted for Gore and for Kerry because they were the democratic nominee, and because I honestly believed they were the best choice, but it was an unemotional choice.
I looked down at Barak Obama’s name on the touch screen, and I was filled with emotion. I wished I had a way to mark the moment – a picture or a print out. In that moment, all of the intellectual reasons for supporting Obama melted away and I was left with a pure emotion. I fully felt the desperation for change, and the weight of the hope that he represents that has driven so many people to work so hard for his campaign. Up until that moment of standing in the voting booth prepairing to cast my vote, I hadn’t really allowed myself to acknowledge how much I personally had invested in an Obama Presidency – both because of the historic turning point for our country in electing a black man, and because I believe he will save this country.
I can’t face the idea of a McCain presidency. I don’t know what to do with the idea that that many people in this country either a)think he will actually be good for the country, or b) refuse to vote for a black man. I may not fit the mold of a “true american” as defined by McCain/Palin, but I am an American, and I do want to be proud of my country and I want to feel connected to my country, but that won’t be possible if McCain wins. I can’t feel connected to a country that sees McCain and Palin as the right choice. And I can’t really think about what I’ll do if that happens. Hopefully that won’t have to face that.
