This morning my dad called my grandma to send thanksgiving wishes and he put her on speakerphone so we could all share. After greatings she says “Listen, do you have a second because I want to tell you a story about the toaster oven.” Of course my dad says “Sure I have all the time you need” so my 89 year old Jewish, New York transplant to Florida grandma tells this story:
“So the other day I came home from Bingo with my friend and her boyfriend, and there was a big box on the porch. Luck for me I had my friend’s boyfriend (who can’t be younger than 85) and he carried the box in the house and set it on the table. And its the toaster oven you sent to me! So we leave it on the table and my friend and her boyfriend go home and that’s that. So the next day the box is on the table, and I’m looking at the box and the box is looking at me, and that’s that.
Then the next day, I’m looking at the box and the box is looking at me, and I decide “alright, enough of this” and I try to get the toaster oven out of the box but, no way, nothing doing. So then the next day I’m looking at the box and the box is looking at me and then I had a brainstorm! I called security and I said ‘Help – there’s a toaster oven on my table!’ No, not really, but I did say ‘I have a toaster over in my kitchen and I can’t lift it. I need a man with muscles to come help me.’
Well he came over and was very nice and he took the toaster oven out and I’d already gotten rid of my ’schmatas’ and so we plugged it in, and whatever whatever. And so I told him how it was a gift from my children and I asked him if he had any children and he said ‘only 4′ and I thought ONLY 4! My goodness! (cackling laughter by grandma and all of us listening because my grandma had 1 child (my dad) and we have always had the impression that that was almost too much for her.)
“So I asked him about their ages and he said that the oldest was 31, and I said ‘oh! that’s the age of my granddaughter (not quite but close – but she thought I was 12 until I was 20. At this point in the story I held my breath fearing that the point to the story was going to be that she wants to fix me up with this guy’s kid. But thankfully, grandma did not go there. She was happy to keep the attention on herself and her story.)
“Well, then I wished him happy thanksgiving and he left and now I have this lovely toaster oven and its really very pretty.”
My dad asks “have you used it yet, ma?”
Grandma: “I heated up some toast, it was lovely. Not very crispy but it was warm. But listen, its a lovely toaster oven.”
My mom says: “Ma, you have to turn the dial past 10 to “toast” and then it will toast the bread.”
Grandma: “wait, what? hang on, I’m going to go over to it.” (a slow tutorial ensues involving detailed discussions of lights and knobs, but at the end grandma definitely knows how to make toast).
Then my dad asks what she did with her old toaster and grandma says “I gave it to a deserving family.”
Dad: “Oh yea? How’d you find the family?”
Grandma: “oh you know, people told me whatever whatever.”
Dad: “what are you doing for thanksgiving today ma?”
Grandma: “I was invited by people. Someone’s picking me up at 1 o’clock.” (Grandma has an intricate network of people to drive her places. Most of them are “much younger” meaning early 80’s).
Then grandma starts making noises like she’s ready to get off the phone (10 minutes of family time is about all grandma can handle without martinis), so my dad says “Hey ma, I got someone here you’re gonna want to talk to,” and grandma says “oh? who?” and my dad hands the phone to me (Grandma does’t know we are on speaker phone, so we have to pretend like we are passing the phone around. I don’t really know why.)
Me: “Hi Grandma!”
Grandma: “Oh hi! Listen, how ARE you?”
Me: “I’m good Grandma, how are you? I saw some pictures of you from when daddy visited, you’re looking really good (and she really is for being 89)
Grandma: “Really? Well, I have my days.”
Me: “Don’t we all.”
Grandma: “Listen, I want you to find your Mr. Wonderful, ok?”
Me: “I want that too.”
Grandma: “well you know, all in good time. You know how it is, things happen like they are supposed to.”
Me: “this is true.”
Grandma: “You don’t call me enough.”
Me: “I know, I’m sorry. But i don’t call anyone. Are you on email yet?”
Grandma: “not yet, I have the computer, but we have to go slow. I have the toaster over and the computer and that’s a lot of change, I’ll get there, but you know, its slow,” she laughes.
Me: I know, change is scary, no need to rush into it.
Grandma: but listen darling, you should call me more. I love my family.”
Me: I know you do grandma. (My parents and I smile at each other because while grandma does love her family, its in very small doses, like 10 minute phone conversations.)
Grandma: I want you to have everything you want in life darling. (This is her standard exiting line of all conversations)
Me: Thank you, you too. I love you.
Grandma: I love you too darling! Ok, bye-bye.
And the thing about it is, my grandma is very funny, and the phone calls would be short and I really have no reason not to call her. After we hung up my mom said that last time they talked to her she said that I was missing out on alot by not calling her. My dad interpreted that as I was missing out on all her stories and lifetime of wisdom that she has to share. My mom interpreted it as a threat to take me out of the will. Either way, calling her more often would really be a win/win.
So that’s my thanksgiving resolution – to call my grandma more.
We’ll see how that goes 
